The Princess Bride
by The Silver Magician of Chaos
Summary: Fishlegs tells Snotloud, Astrid, and Hikari(oc) the story of Iris(oc), the Princess Bride. Based off the movie. Hiccupxoc
1. The Story Begins

Chapter 1: The Story Begins

I have been planning on writing this story for MONTHS, but I have been busy with my other stories, and now I like to presents this The Princess Bride! Enjoy!

Cast...

Hiccup: Westley

Dagur: the Prince

Drew: Inigo

Gobber: Fezzik

Mildew: Vezzini

Astrid, Hikari, Snotloud: Sick kids

Fishlegs: The one reading the story

And Iris as The Princess Bride!

* * *

Astrid, Hikari, and Snotloud lay in their beds sick.

Hikari had gotten the flu, and had managed to give it to the other two while they were playing, so here they were. Bored out of their minds.

Fishlegs couldn't stand to see them so miserable, so he decided to help them out.

"Hey guys," He said as he walked in. "How're you feeling?"

"We're feeling a little better." Said Astrid. "Thank you for asking."

"Yeah, but we're bored." Said Snotloud.

"Well then, it's lucky for you that I'm here." Said Fishlegs. "I've got just the thing for you guys."

"What's that Legs?" Hikari asked.

"Well, I have here a book." He took an old book out from behind his back.

"A book?" Snotloud scoffed. "What good's that gonna do?"

"Well, my Grandpa used to read it to my Dad when he was sick, and my Dad used to read it to me when I was sick, so now I'm gonna read it to you."

"What's it about?"

"Oh, all kinds of cool things! Fighting, monsters, pirates, revenge, miracles, and true love."

"Oh, that sounds wonderful!" Said Hikari.

"Yeah, except the love stuff." Snotloud grumbled. "Okay, I'll try not to fall asleep."

"You're too kind." Said Fishlegs. "Now, let's see…" He opened the book. "It's called 'The Princess Bride'…

The next thing you see is a beautiful countryside, and a medieval era farmhouse.

_Iris was raised on a small farm in the medieval country of Berk. Her favorite pastimes were riding her horse and tormenting the farm boy. His name was Hiccup, but she never called him that._

"Isn't that an good beginning?" Fishlegs asked.

"Yeah, great." Snotloud replied sarcastically.

Back to the story…

_Nothing gave Iris as much pleasure as bossing Hiccup around._

Iris walked up to Hiccup.

"Farm boy," She said. "Polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning!"

"As you wish." Was all Hiccup said, before he let to do as he was told.

"_As you wish" was all Hiccup ever said to her._

On another day, Hiccup was chopping wood, until Iris brought two buckets up to him.

"Fill these with water." She said. She paused as Hiccup looked at her. "…Please."

"As you wish." Hiccup replied.

Hiccup walked away, but Iris never took her eyes off him.

_That day, Iris was surprised to discover that when Hiccup said "as you wish," he really meant "I love you."_

That night, Hiccup came in carrying firewood and Iris stared at him.

_And what amazed her the most was the realization that she truly loved him back._

Hiccup noticed Iris staring and smiled at her.

Iris blushed and pointed to a nearby pitcher of water. "Hand me that pitcher." She said.

Hiccup picked up the pitcher and handed it to Iris. "As you wish." Hiccup replied, softly.

The next day, Iris walked out to find Hiccup working on something.

Hiccup stopped working when he noticed Iris had walked up to him.

The two of them looked into each-other's eyes. And then, their lips touched, and they became locked in a passionate kiss.

"Wait, wait!" Snotloud interrupted.

"What?" Fishlegs asked, putting down the book.

"Is this gonna be a kissing book?"

"Shut up Snotload!" Said Astrid.

"Yeah, we want to hear the story." Hikari added. "Please continue Fishlegs, I want to know what happened next to Hiccup and Iris."

"Come on!" Snotload whined. "I wanna hear about the action! When does it get good?"

"Just hold on," Said Fishlegs, picking the book back up. "We're getting there. Anyway…

_Hiccup had no money to get married to Iris, so he packed his bags and left to go to sea and seek his fortune._

Hiccup held Iris in his arms before setting off for the dock. Poor Iris had tears in her eyes.

"I'm afraid I'll never see you again." She sobbed.

"Of course you will." Hiccup said soothingly. "I'll be back, I promise."

"But… what if something happens to you?"

"Don't worry. No matter what, I'll come for you."

"How can you be sure?"

"This is true love Iris. Do you think this happens every day?"

Iris sadly shook her head.

She looked up at Hiccup and forced herself to smile. For his sake.

He held her for another minute, kissed her, and left.

As he walked away, Iris watched him go, still crying for fear of her beloved.

"Hiccup never reached his destination." Fishlegs narrated. "His ship was attacked by the dread pirate Drago, who never leaves prisoners alive. And when Iris heard the news that Hiccup had been murdered by pirates-"

"Murdered by pirates is good." Said Snotloud.

"She locked herself in her room and neither ate nor slept for days…

Iris sat in her room with an emotionless expression on her face. "I will never love again." She said, without any emotion at all.

_Five years later, the castle of Station Square, the capital of Westopolis, was abuzz with activity. Everyone had come to hear an announcement from the prince._

_Prince Dagur, son of King Stoick, had just chosen a bride._

"My people!" Dagur said in a French accent, as he stood at the top of a castle tower overlooking a crowd. "In one month Westopolis will celebrate it's 500th anniversary! At that time I shall merry a woman who was once a commoner like yourselves. Though I doubt you'd find her so common now. Would you like to meet her?" The crowd cheered "Yes!" and a nearby door opened.

A girl stepped through the door for everyone to see, and the crowd became speechless.

"My people!" Said Dagur. "I give you: Princes… Iris!"

The crowd cheered, but Iris's face remained emotionless.

_Although the law allowed Dagur to choose his bride, Iris did not love him._

_Now, her only joy could be found in her daily ride through the countryside._

"How sad." Hikari cried. "Poor Iris."

"Yeah, yeah." Said Snotloud. "Can we pleeeeeeeaaase get to the action!"

"Just wait a moment!" Fishlegs snapped back. "Okay, where were we? Oh yeah…

Iris took her horse and rode through the nearby woods.

She had ridden quite a far distance from the castle and soon saw a man with a long grey beard and a Viking helmet, standing with a young boy with black hair and red highlights, and a large mid age blond man that was missing his left hand and right foot.

"A word Milady?" Said the man with the long grey beard, bowing. "We are three wandering circus performers who have lost our way. Could you tell me where we may find a village to rest?"

"There isn't a village." Iris replied. "There's nothing around for miles."

"Good… then there will be no one for miles to hear you scream." The man nodded to the midage blond man, who walked up to Iris.

Before she can scream or ride away, the middle aged man gently grabbed the back of her neck and pressed a nerve, causing her to pass out.

"Perfect." Said Mildew. "Now our plan can commence."

* * *

Chaos dose not own The Princess Bride or HTTYD but she owns Iris, Hikari belongs to WingBladeWeaver1357, and Drew belongs to RedDiEnd.


	2. The Man in Black

Chapter 2: The Man in Black

Cast...

Man in black:...?

* * *

Mildew and his associates, Drew and Gobber, had carried Iris off to a small boat which was docked in Berk Channel.

After Gobber had placed her in the boat, Mildew started putting bits of a uniform wherever he could on Iris's horse.

"What are you doing?" Gobber asked.

"This is a uniform from Hollow Bastion." Mildew replied. "And Hollow Bastion is the sworn enemy of Berk. By leaving this evidence, the prince will think his bride-to-be was kidnapped by enemy soldiers, and when he finds her dead body at the borders of Hollow Bastion his suspicions will be confirmed!"

"Wait," Said Gobber, who had just joined the other two. "You didn't say anything about killing anyone."

Mildew slapped the horse, causing it to take off toward the Castle. "You were hired to help me start a war," He said. "Which is very prestigious work."

"I just don't think its right, killing an innocent girl."

"Am I going mad, or did you just say you were thinking? I didn't hire you for your brains, you walking land mass!"

"I agree with Big." Said Drew. "Killing her would be wrong."

"What happens to her is not you concern!" Mildew snapped. "_I _will kill her when the time comes. And remember this: When I found you Drew, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't even buy brandy!" He turned to Gobber, who was actually afraid. "And you! Friendless, helpless, brainless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were, unemployed in Greenland!" Mildew stormed away and got into the boat, soon followed by Drew and Gobber.

Drew and Gobber began casting off, but Drew noticed Gobber's sad expression.

"That Dr. Mildew…" He said. "He sure can_fuss_."

"Fuss, fuss…" Said Gobber. Then he smiled. "I think he likes to scream at _us_."

"Probably he means no _harm_…" Drew continued.

"He's really very short on _charm_."

Drew chuckled and gave Gobber a friendly smile. "You've got a great gift for _rhyme_."

"Yes, some of the _time_." Gobber smiled back.

"Enough of that!" Mildew snapped, as he stood on another part of the ship.

But as they sailed off, Drew and Gobber continued. "Hey Gobber, any rocks up a_head_?"

"If there are, we'll be _dead_."

"No more rhymes now!" Mildew shouted. "I_mean it_!"

"Anybody want a _peanut_?" Gobber asked.

"AAAARRRRGH!" Mildew screamed.

Later, after the sun had gone down, the boat reached foggy waters, far from Berk.

Drew stood at the helm, Gobber watched over Iris who had finally woken up, and Mildew sat nearby.

"We should reach the cliffs by dawn." He said.

Drew nodded and looked briefly behind them.

"What are you doing?" Mildew asked him.

"I'm making sure no-one is following us." Drew replied.

"That would be inconceivable."

"Despite what you may think," Said Iris. "You_will _be caught. And when you are, the prince will see you hanged!"

"The only neck on this boat you should worry about is your own!" Said Mildew.

Drew glanced over his shoulder again.

"Stop that!" Mildew shouted. "We can all relax. It's almost over."

"You're sure no-one is following us?" Drew asked.

"That would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, **_inconceivable_. **No-one in Hollow Bastion knows what we've done and no-one in Berk could have gotten here that fast." Mildew started to relax, but looked back at Drew. "By the way, why do you ask?"

"No reason." Drew replied calmly. "It's just that I looked behind us and something was there."

"**WHAT!**" Mildew jumped up and ran to look out the back of the boat, as did Gobber and Drew.

They looked out into the fog, and there it was. A dark ship. It was a good distance away, but it was gaining.

Gobber and Drew seemed worried, but Mildew tried to stay calm. "Oh it's probably just a local fisherman." He explained, more for his benefit than anything else. "Yes, a local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise… at night… through eel infested waters…"

Iris didn't bother looking out at the mysterious ship. She knew now was her only chance and ran to the edge of the boat. She hesitated only a moment before she jumped.

Mildew and the others turned around when they heard the splash and saw Iris swimming away.

"AAH! GO AFTER HER!" Mildew screamed at Drew.

"I don't swim well." Drew admitted.

Mildew turned to Gobber. "I only dog-paddle." The huge man said, not realizing how ironic such a thing was.

Mildew growled, and then bellowed out orders. "Veer left! Left! Left!"

Iris swam as fast as she could, but heard an odd sound. She stopped and looked around her.

"Do you know what that sound is Highness?" Mildew called out. "Those are the shrieking eels! They always get louder just before they feast on human flesh!" Iris looked, but couldn't yet see these eels… though she could definitely hear them. "If you swim back now, I promise no harm will come to you! I doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels."

Iris hesitated, not sure what to do. Then, she froze in fear, for a gigantic eel, with razor-sharp teeth had surfaced, and was coming straight towards her! Closer, and closer, and closer…...

Suddenly, Fishlegs put the book down again. "She doesn't get eaten by the eels you know." He said to the other teens, who looked worried.

"Huh?" Snotloud asked.

"She doesn't get eaten by the eels." Fishlegs repeated. "I was telling you that because you guys looked worried.

"I wasn't worried!" Snotloud lied.

"Well… maybe we were… concerned." Hikari admitted meekly.

"Yes, but we're fine now." Said Astrid, finally loosening the grip she had on her pillow. "You can continue."

"You sure?" Fishlegs asked. The three teens nodded. "Okay then. Now let's see..." He picked the book up again. "Okay, as I was saying… 'Do you know what that sound is Highness?' Mildew called out. 'Those are the shrieking eels!'"

"No, no," Said Snotloud. "We're past that part."

"Oh yeah." Said Fishlegs. Okay then, let me get back to where we were. okay. Closer, and closer, and closer…

The eel was almost upon Iris. She closed her eyes and said a final prayer, but a strong arm lifted her out of the water just in time.

Gobber lifted her up and set her back down in the boat.

Drew looked out and pointed to the dark ship. "I think he's getting closer." He said.

"Never mind!" Mildew snapped, as he tied Iris's hands. "He's no concern of ours. Sail on!" He turned to Iris. "As for you, you must think you're pretty brave, eh?"

Iris glared back. "Only compared to some." She said defiantly.

Dawn finally came, and the dark boat was still following them. In the morning light, Drew saw that the ship was being sailed by a man in black armor. He also wore a mask.

"He's almost on top of us now!" Said Drew. "I wonder if he's even using the same wind as us."

"Whoever he is," Said Mildew. "He's too late! Look!" He pointed to some impossibly high cliffs. "The cliffs of insanity!" Mildew quickly got the other two working to make it to the base of the cliffs. "Hurry! Move the thing! …the- the other thing! Move it!" He looked back at the mysterious man's boat. "We're safe. Only Gobber is strong enough to climb those cliffs. It'll take that meddler hours to sail around and find a harbor!"

The ship stops and Mildew, Drew, Gobber, and Iris get off.

Gobber strapped a harness to his back, which Drew secured Mildew, Iris, and even himself to.

Gobber found a rope that had been left hanging from the top of the cliffs and began to climb swiftly.

Gobber and the others were already far above ground when the man in black (I'll just call him The Man from now on.) Finally reached the cliffs and got out of his boat.

He looked up at the giant figure carrying three people up the cliff. Then he grabbed the rope and climbed after them.

He may have been far behind, but at the speed he was climbing he was gaining fast.

"He's climbing the rope…" Drew said, as he noticed their follower, hardly believing it himself. "And he's gaining!"

"Inconceivable!" Mildew screamed. "Faster!"

"I thought I _was_ going faster." Said Gobber.

"You were supposed to be this colossus, this great legendary thing! And yet he gains!"

"Well, I'm carrying three people, and he's only got himself."

"I don't want excuses! I'll just have to get myself another giant, that's all!"

"Don't say that Mildew. Please?"

The Man was still gaining, getting closer and closer.

"Did I mention your _job_ is at stake?" Mildew shouted.

Gobber finally made it to the top and everyone was glad to be back on solid ground.

As soon as he was out of the harness Mildew looked over the side of the cliff. The Hedgehog was still there. He took out a knife and quickly cut through the rope.

The rope fell and everyone looked over the side, expecting to see the Man falling as well.

But no! The Man was still there! He was holding on to some loose rocks and began to climb up without the rope.

"He didn't fall!" Mildew turned red as a tomato and screamed **"INCONCEIVABLE!"**

"You keep using that word…" Said Drew. "I don't think it means what you think it means."

"Whoever this man is, he's obviously seen us with the princess, and therefore must die!" He turned to Gobber. "You, carry her!" He looked at Drew next. "And you, we're going ahead. Stay here and make sure he dies. If he falls, good. If he makes it to the top, kill him!"

Mildew was about to walk away but Drew stopped him. "I want to duel him left-handed." He said, placing a hand on the sword he has been carrying this whole time.

"You know what a hurry we're in!" Mildew shouted.

"If I fight him with my right hand it'll be over too quickly."

"Oh fine! Have it your way!" Mildew turned away again.

Gobber put a hand on Drew' shoulder. "Be careful." He said. "A man in a mask can't be trusted." Drew nodded to his friend.

"I'm waiting!" Mildew shouted.

Gobber picked up Iris and walked away.

Drew briefly looked over the cliff to see if the Man was at the top yet. He wasn't.

Drew began to pace impatiently.

But he got tired of waiting, so he looked over the edge again. "Hello there!" He called, in a casual manner. The Man looked up briefly and grunted. "Slow going?" Drew asked.

"Look, I don't mean to be rude," Said the Man. "But this isn't as easy as it looks. So I'd appreciate it if you didn't distract me."

"Sorry."

"Thank you."

Drew walked away from the edge and began to practice his sword fighting techniques. But he got impatient again and went back to the edge. "I don't suppose you could speed it up?"

"If you're in such a hurry," The Man replied. "You could either lower me a rope or find something useful to do!"

"I do have some rope, but I doubt you'd want my help, since I'm just waiting around to kill you anyway."

"That does put a damper on our relationship."

"Look, I promise not to kill you till you reach the top."

"That's comforting, but you're just going to have to wait."

"What if I gave you my word as an Spaniard?"

"No good. I've known too many Spaniards."

"Isn't there anything I could say to make you trust me?"

"Nothing comes to mind."

Drew pondered a moment, but then his face became serious and he looked down at the Man. "I swear on the soul of my father, Aster Knight, you will reach the top alive."

The Man looked back up at Drew for a moment. He nodded finally and said "Lower the rope."

Drew lowered the rope immediately, and the Hedgehog quickly climbed to the top.

No sooner had he gotten both feet on the ground then he drew his Flare Katana. Drew shook his head. "Rest first. We'll start when you're ready." He said.

"Thank you." Said the Man. He went over to a large rock and sat down, immediately pulling off his shoe and dumping out the huge rocks that had somehow gotten in there during his climb.

Drew sat down nearby and tried to get a good look at the Man's hand. "Excuse me," He said. "But you wouldn't happen to have six fingers on your left hand, would you?"

"Do you always begin conversations like that?" The hedgehog asked.

"Sorry. It's just that I'm looking for a man with six fingers."

The Man raised his left hand. There were only five fingers.

"Ah, I didn't think so." Drew said, somewhat disheartened.

"Why are you looking for a six-fingered hedgehog?" The Man asked.

"(Sigh) you see, ten years ago my father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man. I've been searching for him to get my revenge."

"Really?"

Drew nodded. "My father, Locke, was the greatest sword maker on all of Island of Berk, where I'm from. One day, a six-fingered hired him to make a sword—the finest he'd ever made." Drew drew his sword and handed it to the Man. "This is the sword my father slaved to make. His best sword… and last."

The Man looked closely at the sword. It was magnificently crafted, and had a golden handle, with what looked like little different color gems decorating it. "I've never seen its equal." Said the Man, honestly impressed beyond words at the beautiful sword.

Drew took it back and looked at it. "My father slaved for a year before it was done. The six-fingered hedgehog came back for the sword, but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused… so the six-fingered man stabbed him in the heart… and killed him. I sought him out and challenged him to a duel."

"And..?"

"And… I lost. The six-fingered man left me alive, but gave me this," He pointed to a scar on the side of his face. "And this." He pointed to an identical scar on the other side.

"How old were you?"

"Ten years old. When I was strong enough, I devoted my life to the study of sword fighting. So that when I find the six-fingered hedgehog I can say to him, 'Hello. My name is Drew Knight. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'"

"You've done nothing but study swordplay?"

Drew chuckled, but without humor. "It's more pursuit than study lately. It's been ten years, and I still haven't found him. I'm beginning to lose confidence. I've just work for Mildew to pay the bills. Not a lot of money in revenge."

The Man gave a small, brief, but friendly smile. "Well, I certainly hope you find him someday." He stood up, so Drew did the same.

"You are ready then?" Drew asked.

"Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair." The Man replied, drawing his blade.

Drew prepared himself and smiled. "You seem like a decent guy. I'll hate to kill you."

"_You _seem like a decent guy. I'll hate to die." The Man said that, but clearly had no intention of dying that day.

"Very well." Said Drew. "Begin!"

* * *

Chaos dose not own The Princess Bride or HTTYD but she owns Iris, Hikari belongs to WingBladeWeaver1357, and Drew belongs to RedDiEnd.


	3. The Battles of Skill, Strength, and Wits

Chapter 3: The Battles of Skill, Strength, and Wits

Cast...

Alvin: Count Rugan.

* * *

The sword fight began, and it became obvious from the start that both men were masters in the art.

The two never seemed able to hit each-other, but the skill and speed with which their swords moved was dazzling.

Drew parried, dodged, and attacked with great skill, but the masked Man was more than a match.

The two fighters soon made their way to the top of a castle ruin.

Not quite seeming to realize he was in a duel to the death, Drew began a conversation. "Ah, you're using Bonneti's defense against me."

"I thought it fitting," The Man replied, equally as casual. "Considering the rocky terrain."

"Naturally, you must expect me to counter with Capo Ferro." Drew thrusted and the Man dodged.

"Naturally." The Man parried another attack. "But I find Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don't you?" The Man then jumped back down to the ground.

"Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa…" Drew somersaulted over the Man's head and landed right in front of him. "…Which I have."

"Don't worry guys," Fishlegs interrupted. "I have no clue what they're saying either."

"Just get on with the sword fight!" Snotloud shouted.

"Okay, okay, sheesh! Anyway…

The two continued fighting.

Drew fought with enough skill to take down any swordsman… that is, except the Man.

Drew found the tide of the battle turning as he was being forced towards a crumbled wall at the edge of the cliff.

"You are a wonderful swordsman!" Said Drew, not even breaking a sweat.

"Thank you." The Man replied. "I've worked hard to become so."

Drew finally found his back against the wall. The blade pushed against the Gem Sword, and Drew knew if he couldn't do something he'd be pushed over the wall and off the cliff. "I admit it," He said, smiling more then he had in his life. "You're better than me."

"Then why are you smiling?" The Man asked.

"Because I know something you don't."

"What's that?"

"I'm not left-handed!" Drew pushed his opponent away long enough to take his sword in his right hand and the tide of battle instantly changed again.

If Drew' skill with a sword was good before, it's perfect now. The Gem Sword is all but invisible because Drew moves are too swift for the human eye to see.

"You're amazing!" The Man admitted.

"I aught to be after ten years!" Drew replied.

The Man was now the one pinned down, for Drew had pushed him back into an old pillar. "There's something I should tell you…" He said.

"Then tell me."

The Man smiled now. "I'm not left-handed either."

With an immense burst of strength, the Man pushed Drew away. He then threw the Blade into the air and caught it with his right hand.

Once more, the tide of the battle turned, and the two fighters once again found themselves climbing up onto a higher battlefield.

Drew tried his best, but it didn't seem like enough against this masked man.

Suddenly, the Gem Sword was knocked out of Drew hands and onto the ground below.

Drew saw an old bar in an archway over the spot where his sword lay. He jumped to it, swung down and retrieved his weapon.

As if he saw a need to outdo Drew, the Man threw his sword down to the ground near his spaniard foe, and jumped to the bar.

But rather than simply swinging off of it, the Man swung up, around, up again, then jumped off with a back flip, as though he were performing in a circus act.

He landed gracefully on the ground and casually retrieved his blade.

"Who… are you?" Drew asked.

"No one of consequence." Was the Man's simple reply.

"I must know."

"Get used to disappointment."

Drew just shrugged. "Okay then." He charged for the Hedgehog, but he simply dodged.

Drew, was desperate now, using all the tricks he could think of. But to no avail.

The man finally knocked the Gem sword out of Drew' hand and held the flare blade to his throat.

Drew closed his eyes and sank to his knees. "I admit defeat." He said. "Kill me quickly."

"I'd sooner destroy a stained-glass window then kill an artist like yourself." The Man replied. "But since I can't have you following me either…" He hit Drew over the head with the blade handle, not killing him but knocking him out cold. "Please understand, I hold you in the highest regard." The Man said, before speeding away to find Mildew and the princess.

"Inconceivable!" Mildew shouted, when he saw the Man running towards where they were. "How could he have beaten Drew?" He turned to Gobber. "That's it! I'm taking the princess on ahead. You take care of him. Your way!"

Mildew grabbed Iris by the arm and walked off.

"Oh, my way. Thank you Mildew." Said Gobber. "But… which way is my way?"

Mildew stopped and turned back to Gobber. "The Man in black will walk around that boulder over there any minute. You pick up that rock and wait. And the second his head is in view, **HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!**"

Mildew stormed away with Iris.

"My way isn't very sportsman-like." Gobber said with a frown.

But, he picked up the rock and waited, as he was told.

As Mildew said, the Man came running around the boulder. Suddenly, a rock hit the boulder and smashed into dozens of pieces, missing the Man's head by only a few inches.

He turned around fast to see Gobber picking up another large rock.

"I did that on purpose." Said Gobber. "I didn't have to miss."

"I believe you." The Man replied. "So, what now?"

"We face each-other like the Gods intended. Sportsman-like. No tricks, no weapons."

"You mean, I'll put down my sword, you'll put down your rock, and we'll try to kill each-other like civilized beings?"

"I could kill you now." Gobber joked, holding up the rock.

The Man just shook his head and took off his sword belt.

The two walked up to each-other slowly. "To be honest, I think the odds are _slightly_ in your favor." Said the Man.

"It's not my fault I'm so big and strong." Gobber replied, throwing down the rock. "I don't even exercise."

The Man rushed at the large man. He slammed right into his chest, but Gobber didn't even move. The Man tried twisting his arm, pushing him, and even tried picking him up. But he would have had better luck wrestling the nearby boulder.

"Are you just messing with me or what?" The Man asked, out of breath.

"I just want you to feel like you're doing a good job." Gobber replied. "I'd hate for someone to die embarrassed."

Gobber lunged for his opponent, but the Man dodged just in time. "You're quick." He said.

"It's a good thing too." The Man replied.

"But why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by Changewing acid or something?" Gobber charged again.

"No, I just think they're comfortable. I think everyone will wear them in the future." Another dodge. And this time the Man jumped onto Man's back and wrapped his arms around the giant's throat.

"Now I know why you're so much trouble." Said Gobber, who was now having a hard time breathing.

Gobber ran backwards towards a boulder and slammed the Hedgehog into it.

"Why is that?" The Man asked, despite the pain.

"Well… I haven't fought just one person in a long time. I've been specializing in groups… fighting gangs for local charities… that sort of thing." Gobber slammed the Man into the boulder again.

"Why should that-OOMPH!-make such a difference?"

Gobber was starting to black out now. "Because… you use different moves when fighting 7 or 8 people at once…" Gobber fell to his hands and knees. "…Then you do… when you're only… fighting… one…" Gobber finally lost consciousness and fell to the ground with a thud.

The Man, relived that the fight was over, got up and turned Gobber onto his back. Not without some difficulty, of course.

The Man put an ear to Gobber's chest. His heart was still beating. Good.

"I don't envy you for the headache you're going to have when you wake up." He said, as he stood up and looked down at the large man. "But till then, rest well… and dream of large Viking women."

The Man picked up his sword and ran off to find Mildew.

Meanwhile, back at the ruins at the top of the cliff, Drew is no longer lying unconscious in the dirt.

Instead, Prince Dagur and a group of soldiers are there, searching for Iris.

Dagur carefully placed his feet into each footprint, calculating each and every move Drew and the Man in black made.

Meanwhile, the soldiers watched him from their horses. As did a certain man.

"There was a mighty duel." Dagur said at last. "It ranged all over. They were both masters."

"How did it end?" Count Alvin asked.

Dagur continued examining the footprints. "The loser ran off alone… and the winner continued that way, following those other footprints towards Hollow Bastion."

"Shall we track them both?"

"The loser is nothing. Only the princess matters." Dagur turned to the soldiers. "This was clearly planned by warriors of Hollow Bastion. We must all be ready for what lies ahead."

"Do you think it could be a trap?" Alvin asked.

"I always think everything could be a trap." Dagur replied, as he got onto his horse. "That's why I'm still alive."

The Dagur rode forward, followed by Alvin and the rest of the group.

At this moment, the Man in black finally caught up to Mildew and Iris.

He found them sitting at a rock, with a cloth draped over it like a table.

There was even food set out, like a little picnic. However, the fact that Iris was tied up, blindfolded, and had a knife held to her throat made the scene far from picturesque.

The Man stopped in his tracks when he saw this. Mildew just chuckled.

"So," He said smugly. "It is down to you, and it is down to me." The Man nodded and took a step forward. "If you wish her dead, then by all means come closer." Mildew pressed the knife into Iris's neck, not hard enough to draw blood, but still much too close for comfort.

The Man stopped momentarily, but continued slowly and carefully. "Let me explain." He said.

"There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I rightfully stole."

"Perhaps there can be some kind of arrangement?"

"There can be no arrangement." Mildew pushed the knife just a little bit harder. "And _you're_ killing her."

The Man stopped, but just smiled at Mildew. "Well if there can be no arrangement, then we're at an impasse."

"Hmm, I'm afraid so. I'm no match for you physically, and you're no match for my intellect."

"You're that smart?"

"Let me put it this way: Have you ever heard of Hamish I, Magni, Columbus?"

"Yes."

"Morons compared to me."

"Really? In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits."

"For the Princess?"

The Man nodded.

"To the death?"

Another nod.

"I accept!" Mildew put away his knife.

"Good, then pour the wine." Mildew poured wine into two cups, as the Man sat down opposite to him.

The Man pulled out a small container and handed it to Mildew. "Smell this, but don't touch it." He said.

Mildew sniffed. "I don't smell anything." He said, handing the container back.

"What you don't smell is called iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, and is one of the deadlier poisons known to man… or animal."

The Man took the container and the two cups of wine and turned his back to Mildew, making sure the old man couldn't see what he was doing.

He turned back around and placed one cup near himself, and the other near Mildew.

He dropped the now empty container, meaning only one thing. "Where is the poison?" The Man asked. "The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink. Then we'll see who is right… and who is dead."

"But it's so simple!" Mildew chuckled. "All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of person to put the poison in your own cup or you enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison in his own goblet, knowing only a great fool would take what was given to him, so I clearly can't take the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool. You must have counted on it, so I cannot choose the wine in front of me."

"You've decided then?" The Man asked nervously.

"Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is populated by criminals. And criminals are used to people not trusting them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

"Truly, you have a remarkable intellect."

"Wait till I get going! Now where was I?"

"Australia."

"Yes, Australia! And you must have known I knew the poison's origins so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!"

"You're just stalling now." The Man was very nervous now.

"You'd like to think so, wouldn't you!" Mildew shouted, becoming more and more confident. "You beat my giant, so you're very strong, and you probably thought you could rely on your strength to save you, so I can't choose the wine in front of me. But you also defeated my Spaniard, so you must have studied. And in studying you must have learned man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far away from yourself as possible, so I can not choose the wine in front of me!"

The Man was scared now. "You're trying to trick me into giving something away… It won't work."

"It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!"

"Then choose."

"I will! I choose- what in the world can that be!" Mildew pointed somewhere in the distance.

"What? Where" The Man asked, turning to look.

Mildew took the opportunity to switch the glasses of wine.

"I didn't see anything." Said the Man, turning back towards Mildew.

"Really?" Mildew said innocently. "I could have sworn I saw… Oh, never mind. Must have been my imagination." Mildew chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, I'll tell you in a minute. But first, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours." The two picked up their glasses and drank the wine.

"You guessed wrong." Said the Man, putting down his empty glass.

"You only think I did!" Mildew shouted. "That's what's so funny! I switched glasses while your back was turned! MWAHAHAHA! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The best known is "never get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less known is "Never go up against an evil genius when death is on the line! MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHA..." Suddenly, Mildew fell down, dead as a doornail.

The Man just smirked, before jumping up to untie Iris.

He took off her blindfold and started untying her wrists.

"Who are you?" She asked.

"I'm no-one to be trifled with." He replied. "That's all you need to know."

"And to think," She said, looking down at Mildew's body. "The poison was in your wine all this time."

"Both cups were poisoned." The man replied, as he finished untying her. "I've spent the last few years developing an immunity to iocane."

He took Iris by the hand and led her away.

Meanwhile, back where the Man had fought Gobber, Dagur was once again reenacting the past scene. "Someone has defeated a giant!" He announced. "There will be great suffering in Berk if the princess dies!" He mounted his horse again and they rode on.

Later, after they had walked a long way, the Man finally let Iris rest.

"Catch your breath." He said harshly.

"If you release me…" She said, though short of breath. "Whatever ransom you want, you'll get it… I promise."

"And what is that worth? The promise of a woman. You're very funny Highness."

"I was giving you a chance. No matter where you take me, there's no greater hunter than Prince Dagur."

"So, you think your dearest love will save you?"

"I never said he was my dearest love! And yes, he will save me."

"So you admit you don't love your fiancé?"

"He know I don't love him."

"Humph! Aren't_ capable _of love you mean." The Man sneered, but Iris glared.

"I have loved more deeply than a killer like you could ever dream!"

The Man raised a hand, as if to hit Iris, causing her to flinch.

But he just put his hand down again. "That was a warning Highness. Next time my hand flies on its own. Where I come from there are penalties when a woman lies."

"Wait a minute." Hikari interrupted. "I don't like the Man anymore."

"What?" Fishlegs asked.

"He's mean to Iris."

"Well he doesn't mean it."

"He doesn't?"

"Well, no he… just listen already!"

"Okay. Sorry."

"It's okay. Now where were we…

The Man grabbed Iris's wrist and pulled her along again.

Back at the place where Mildew lay dead, Dagur was examining the empty container and the cups on the rock. "Iocane." He said at last. "I'd stake my life on it." He looked in the direction Iris and the Man had gone. "There are the princess's footprints. She's alive… or was an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her… I shall be very put out."

Back with Iris and her newest captor, the poor woman was getting exhausted.

As they neared a steep hill, the Man let Iris go and she fell to the ground.

"Rest." He said.

"I know who you are now." She said, looking up at him. "Your cruelty has revealed everything. You're the Dread Pirate Drago, admit it!"

"With pride." The now revealed pirate bowed to Iris. "What can I do for you?"

"You can die a slow and painful death!"

"Well, that's hardly complimentary. Why loose your venom on me?"

"…You killed my love."

The Pirate looked solemnly at her now. "It's possible. I've killed lots of people. Who was this love of yours? Another prince? ugly, rich and scabby?"

"No! He was a farm boy. Poor… poor and perfect. On the high seas your ship attacked, and everyone knows the Dread Pirate Drago never leaves anyone alive."

"I can't afford to. If a pirate starts going soft no-one listens to him, then it's just work, work, work!"

"You mock my pain."

"Life is pain Highness! Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something." Iris turned away, trying not to cry. The Pirate saw this and his tone softened a bit. "I remember this farm boy of yours. This would have been what? Five years ago?" Iris nodded slowly. "Does it bother you to hear?"

"Nothing you say can upset me."

"Hmm. He died well, that should please you. None of the blubbering, or bribing people usually do. All he said was 'please… please, I need to live.' It was the 'please' that caught my memory. When I asked him what was so important for him. 'True love' he said. And then spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume he meant _you_. You should thank me for putting him out of his misery. Before he found out what you really are."

"What do you mean?"

"Faithfulness he spoke of. Your undying faithfulness. Now tell me, when you found out he was gone did you get engaged that same hour or did you wait a whole week out of respect!"

"You mocked me once! Never do it again! I _died _that day!" The Man heard horses and turned to see Dagur and his party riding up not far away. Iris took advantage of his distraction. "And you can die too for all I care!"

She shoved him and he fell down, rolling dangerously down the steep hill.

As he rolled away he called, "As… you… wish…!"

Iris was hit with the sudden realization of who she had really shoved down the hill. "Oh my sweet Hiccup." She gasped, just before purposely rolling down the hill after Hiccup.

Back with Dagur and his group, the prince was beginning to get frustrated.

"They were right there!" He growled. "But he must have seen us coming. Which might count for his error. If I'm wrong—and I'm never wrong –they're head into the Fire Swamp!"

Meanwhile, at the bottom of the hill, Hiccup, bruised and battered, finally managed to get back up.

He crawled over to Iris, who was still lying on the ground.

"Can you move at all?" He asked, cradling her head.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him. "Move?" She asked. "You're alive! If you want, I can fly!"

"I told you I'd always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?"

"Well… you were dead."

Hiccup shook his head and smiled. "Death can't stop true love. All it can do is delay it for awhile."

"I'll never doubt again."

"There'll never be a need."

The two held each-other and began to kiss.

"No, no, not again!" Snotloud whined.

Fishleegs sighed and put the book down.

"Shut up Snotloud!" Said Astrid.

"Yeah," Hikari added. "Hiccup and and Iris are back together. Don't you find it romantic?"

"No. It's just gross."

"Someday you may not mind kissing so much Snotloud." Said Fishlegs.

"Skip to the Fire Swamp. That sounded cool."

"Fine, you're sick, I'll humor you." Astrid and Hikari glared at Snotloud. "Okay, where are we now? Oh yeah, Hiccup and Iris ran along the bottom of the hill…

Hiccup stopped to look up and saw Dagur and the others at the top of the hill.

"Ha!" He laughed. "Your tough fiancé is too late! A few steps more and we'll be safe in the Fire Swamp!" Hiccup and Iris ran to a group of trees, which stood at the opening of the infamous Fire Swamp.

"We'll never survive!" Iris protested.

"Nonsense!" Hiccup replied. "You're only saying that because no one ever has!"

* * *

Chaos dose not own The Princess Bride or HTTYD but she owns Iris, Hikari belongs to WingBladeWeaver1357, and Drew belongs to RedDiEnd.


	4. The Fire Swamp

Chapter 4: The Fire Swamp

Hiccup and Iris entered the terrible Fire Swamp.

But you know, it really wasn't any worse than any other dark, dismal, damp, dangerous swamp infested with monsters.

"Hmm, it's not bad here." Said Hiccup. Iris gave him a confused look. "Well I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely." Iris still looked at him. "Let's just get going."

They did, but before they had even taken two steps there was a popping noise, followed by a flame jumping up out of the ground.

The flame caught the bottom of Iris's dress on fire, and Hiccup immediately sat her down and swatted at the flames until they were out.

"Well, that was an adventure, wasn't it?" He said. "Singed a bit, were you?"

Iris shook her head in response. "What about you?"

"I'm fine, but my gloves are a little worse for wear."

Iris smiled as cheerfully as she could as Hiccup helped her back up.

The two began walking again.

Hiccup heard the popping sound again and easily moved Iris out of the way of another spurt of flame.

"One thing I will say," Said Hiccup. "This place certainly keeps you on your toes." Hiccup gently led Iris through an even darker portion of the swamp. "This will be nothing but a happy memory soon." He encouraged. "Because the Dread Pirate Drago' ship "Revenge" is anchored near the other side of the swamp. And I, as you know, am Drago."

"But how can that be?" Iris asked. "Drago has been marauding for 20 years, and you only left 5 years ago."

"I'm often surprised at life's little quirks myself." Hiccup heard another popping sound and stopped to move Iris out of the way of another flame. "You see, what I said about me saying please was true. It intrigued Drago, as did my descriptions of your beauty."

Hiccup noticed some vines ahead and began cutting them away with his blade, all the while he kept talking. "Finally, Drago made a decision. He said 'alright Hiccup, I've never had a valet, so you can try it for tonight. But I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' He said that for three years. 'Goodnight Hiccup. Good work today. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' It was a fine time for me. I learned to fight, fence, anything anyone would teach me. Eventually, Drago and I became friends. And then it happened…"

"What? Go on." Said Iris.

Hiccup picked Iris up and carried her over a pond of swam water. "Well, Chaos had gotten so rich, that he wanted to retire. So he took me into his cabin and told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Drago.' He said. 'My name is Eret. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Drago, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from wasn't the real Drago either. His name was Oswald. The real Drago had been retired 15 years and living like a king in Destiny Islands.' Then Eret explained that the name was the most important thing for inspiring fear. No-one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Hiccup… or would they? Anyway, we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew, and he stayed aboard for awhile as first mate, all the while calling me Drago. Once the crew believed, he left the ship, and I've been Drago ever since. But now that we're together I'll retire and hand the name to someone else." Hiccup put Iris down once they were away from the pond and they walked side by side again. "Is it all clear now?"

"Uh…" Iris was about to respond, but suddenly she was sucked down into a sandy patch in the ground.

Hiccup immediately cut a vine to use as rope and plunged in after her.

All was quiet. There was no telling if they were alive or dead.

Another moment passed. A large dragon walked by. But still no sign of them.

Suddenly, Hiccup's hand came out of the sand and grabbed onto the vine. Hiccup pulled himself and Iris out and the two of them gasped for breath.

Once they were safely away from the aptly named lightning sand, Hiccup held Iris close to keep her from shivering.

"We'll never succeed." Iris cried. "We may as well die here."

"No." Hiccup replied. "No, we've already succeeded." Hiccup helped Iris up and the two walked together once again. "I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One: the Flame Spurts. There's a popping noise before each, so we can easily avoid those. Two: Lightning Sand. No problem, you were clever enough to discover what that looks like so we can avoid that too."

"But Hiccup, what about the K.T.T.O.U.S.'s?"

"The Killer Terrible Terror of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist."

But no sooner did Hiccup say that then he was attacked by one of the giant creatures. Iris screamed as the creature pinned Shadow down.

Hiccup growled as the over-sized evil dragon bit into his arm. He punched the monster in the face, sending it flying.

Hiccup tried to get his sword, which was knocked away by the K.T.T.O.U.S., but heard Iris scream "Hiccup!" and turned to see the beast attacking her.

Hiccup grabbed the Terror by its wing and wrestled it to the ground. It rolled on top of him and bit into his shoulder, this time actually causing Hiccup to scream.

All seemed lost for Hiccup, but then he heard the popping sound.

Hiccup rolled with the Terrible Terror to the spot where he heard the popping, making sure the monster was in the right spot.

A jet of flame shot up right where the K.T.T.O.U.S. was laying, causing it to catch on fire. Hiccup took this opportunity to jump away.

Hiccup, seeing the creature charred, weak, and on the brink of death, picked up his sword and stabbed the evil Dragon and put it out of its misery.

Hiccup sighed and turned to Iris. It was over.

The two continued through the swamp, the rest of the trip comparatively uneventful.

Finally, they reached the end of the Fire Swamp.

"We did it." Said Iris, obviously relieved.

"Yeah," Hiccup replied, then smiled. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

The two walked into the open air, grateful to be out of danger.

But their happiness was short lived, for who should ride up but Dagur and his men.

"Surrender." Dagur demanded.

"You mean you wish to surrender to me?" Hiccup asked, in that cocky attitude we all love him for. "Very well, I accept."

"I give you full marks for bravery…" Dagur continued. "Don't make yourself a fool."

"Ah, but how will you catch us? We know the secrets of the Fire Swamp, and can live there quite happily for some time. So anytime you feel like dying, feel free to drop in."

Iris looked around and noticed an archer hidden nearby.

"I tell you once again," Said Dagur. "Give yourself up!"

"It will not happen!" Hiccup replied defiantly.

Iris saw the archer load his crossbow and aim it at Hiccup.

"For the last time," Dagur shouted. "Surrender!"

"**Death first!"** Hiccup shouted back.

"**Will you promise not to hurt him?"** Iris shouted, surprising both Dagur and Hiccup.

"What was that?" Dagur asked.

"What was that?" Hiccup asked, turning to Iris.

"If we surrender, and I return with you," Iris replied. "Will you promise not to hurt this man?"

"May I live a thousand years and never hunt again." Dagur vowed, though he had a sly look on his face.

"He is a sailor on the pirate ship 'Revenge', promise you'll return him there safely."

"I swear it will be done."

Iris turned to Hiccup and they looked into each-other's eyes.

Meanwhile, Dagur turned to Alvin and whispered to him, "Once we are out of sight, take him back to Berk and throw him in the pit of despair."

"I swear it will be done." Alvin replied, with a cruel smile.

Back with Iris and Hiccup, she saw from the questioning look on his face that he didn't understand what she was doing.

"I thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me…" She explained. "I couldn't bear to lose you again… not when I could save you."

Hiccup was speechless.

Iris tried to speak again, but Dagur lifted her up onto his horse and rode away with her.

Meanwhile, Alvin's warriors brought Hiccup over to where the man sat on his horse.

"Come Sir," He said. "We must get you to your ship."

"We are men of action." Hiccup replied, glaring at Alvin. "Lies do not become us."

"Well said." Alvin agreed calmly, as his warriors began tying up Hiccup.

As his hands were being tied, Hiccup happened to notice Alvin's left hand.

Sure enough, he saw six fingers.

Hiccup smiled.

"What is it?" Alvin asked.

"You have six fingers on your left hand." Hiccup replied. "Someone was looking for you."

Alvin drew his sword and clubbed Hiccup in the head… hard.

Hiccup fell to the ground and everything went black.

* * *

Chaos dose not own The Princess Bride or HTTYD but she owns Iris, Hikari belongs to WingBladeWeaver1357, and Drew belongs to RedDiEnd.


	5. Drew and Gobber Reunited

Chapter 5: Drew and Gobber Reunited

I've made it a little easier to read the transitions between the story and the parts with Fishlegs and the teens, and Fishlegs's narrating will either be in _italics_ or quoted, depending on what part of the story it's in.

And finally, new characters!

Spitloud: the Albino

Hwather: Yellin(the prince's lackey)

Gothi: The old woman who said "Boo!"

* * *

Hiccup woke up to find himself strapped to a table in a strange dungeon/laboratory-like room.

He saw a young woman with a long black hair in a side braid walk up to him on treads. The robot began to clean Hiccup's wounds.

"Where am I?" Hiccup asked.

"_In the pit of despair." _Heather replied in a raspy, creepy voice. _"Don't even think_—Ack! Ahem!" Heather coughed and cleared her throat, returning her voice to normal. "Don't even think about trying to escape. And don't go hoping someone'll rescue you. There's only one way in and out of here, and only the Count, the Prince, and I know about it."

"So I'm here till I die?" Hiccup asked.

"Till they kill you, yeah." Heather replied, continuing to tend Hiccup's wounds.

"Why heal me then?"

"Count Alvin always like his victims to be healthy before they're broken."

"So it's to be torture?" Heather nodded. "I can cope with torture." Heather shook her head. "You don't believe me?"

Heather shrugged. "You survived the Fire Swamp, so you must be very brave. But nobody withstands… _the machine._"

Meanwhile, Iris wandered sadly around the castle.

Dagur and Alvin watched her as she walked down one of the many corridors.

"She's been like that ever since the Fire Swamp." Dagur explained. "It's my father's failing health that's upsetting her."

"Of course." Alvin replied, not believing it but not caring anyway.

_The king died that very night. And before dawn, Iris and Dagur were married._

Dagur once again stood on top of the castle tower.

_And at noon, she met her subjects again. This time, as their queen._

"My father's final words were…" Dagur began.

"Wait, hold on a second!" Said Snotloud.

The scene switched back to Fishlegs and the teens as Fishlegs put the book down.

"You read that wrong, didn't you 'Legs?" Astrid asked. "She doesn't marry Dagur, she marries Hiccup, I'm sure of it!"

"Yeah." Hikari agreed. "After all Hiccup did for her, if she doesn't marry him it wouldn't be fair."

"Who said life was fair?" Fishlegs asked.

"We're telling you," Snotloud almost shouted. "You're messing up the story! Get it right!"

"Do you want me to continue?" Fishlegs asked threateningly.

"**Yes.**" The teens replied meekly.

"All right then no more interruptions." Fishlegs picked the book up and began to read again. "Okay… at noon she met her subjects again. This time as their queen…

Back in the story Dagur finally finished what he was saying. "My father's final words were, 'love her as I loved her, and there will be joy.' I present to you your queen. Queen Iris."

The crowd turned to see Iris step out of a doorway, dressed in the royal gown of a queen.

As they saw her, all the peopled kneeled. That is, all but one.

"Boo!" A an old woman shouted. "Boo!"

"Why do you do this?" Iris asked.

"Because you had love in your hands," Gothi replied. "And you gave it up!"

"But they would have killed Hiccup; there was nothing else I could do."

"Your true love lives and you marry another!" She turned to the crowd. "Love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is: the queen of refuse! So bow to her if you like. Bow to her, the queen of slime, the queen of filth, the queen of putrescence! Boo! Boo! Boo!"

Suddenly, Iris bolted upright, her heart beating fiercely. She looked around to find herself in her room.

It was all a bad dream.

She got up, grabbed her robe and walked out.

"It was ten days till the wedding," Fishlegs narrated. "And the king still lived, but Iris's nightmares grew steadily worse."

"See, we told you she'd never marry that creep Dagur!" Snotloud said smugly.

"Yes, you're very smart. Now quiet."

Iris walked into Dagur's room to find him talking to Count Alvin.

"It comes to this:" She said. "I love Hiccup. I always have. I know now I always will. If you tell me I must marry you in ten days, please believe me when I say I will be dead by morning."

Dagur was stunned at first, but looked kindly at Amy.

"I could never cause you grief." He said. "Consider the wedding off." He turned to Alvin. "You returned this Hiccup to his ship?"

"Yes." Alvin lied.

"There, we will just send for him." He turned back to Iris. "Are you certain he still wants you? After all it was you who did the leaving in the Fire Swamp. And pirates are not known to be men of their words."

"My Hiccup will always come for me." She replied.

"I suggest a deal. You write four copies of a letter. My four fastest ships will each take one in each direction. Drago is always nearby this time of year. We'll run up the white flag and deliver your message, and if Hiccup wants you, then bless you both. If not…" Dagur took Iris's hands in his own. "Please consider me as an alternative to suicide?"

Iris thought for a moment and nodded in agreement.

Later, Dagur and Alvin walked through a grove of trees.

"Your princess is really a winning creature." Alvin commented. "A tad simple perhaps, but her appeal is undeniable."

"Yes, the people are quite taken with her." Said Dagur, as they walked up to a tree covered in knots. "You know, when I hired Mildew to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it will be so much more moving when I strangle her myself on our wedding night. Once Hollow Bastion is blamed the people will be outraged and demand to go to war."

Alvin nodded in agreement and turned to the tree. "Now where is that secret knot?" He asked himself, as he tried to push knot after knot. "It's impossible to find…" Finally, he pushes the right knot and a door in the tree opens up, revealing a staircase. "Ah, there it is. Are you coming down into the pit with me?"

"Alvin, you know how much I love to watch you work," Dagur replied. "But I have my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Hollow Bastion to blame for it. I'm swamped."

Alvin put a hand on Dagur's shoulder. "Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything."

Alvin turned and walked down the stairs, where Heather set up "the machine."

Alvin walked up to Hiccup, as Heather hooked him up to the machine.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Alvin asked, referring to his torture device. "It took half a lifetime to create. I'm sure by now you've discovered my interest in pain. I'm writing a book on the subject, so be honest and tell me how the machine makes you feel." Alvin walked over to a dial with the numbers 1 through 50 on it. "Since this is our first try, I'll put it on the lowest setting." Alvin turned the dial to 1 and the machine began to work.

Water flowed onto a large wheel, turning it and thus powering the machine.

Suddenly, Hiccup begins to grimace and growl in pain. He tried desperately to break the restraints, but in vain.

Finally, Alvin turned the machine off and Hiccup gasped for breath.

"As you know," Alvin explained casually. "The concept of the suction pump is centuries old. That's really all my machine is, except instead of sucking water it sucks life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I may go as high as five someday, but I really don't know what that will do to you, so let's work with what we have." Alvin picked up a pen and some paper. "Tell me, what did this do to you? And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel?"

Hiccup's face remained hard for a moment, but he finally broke down.

Hiccup the man in black armor, believe it or not… cried.

"Interesting." Alvin said casually, and began to write.

Later, in Dagur's quarters, Dagur was looking over some papers at a large desk.

A large man with a Viking style helmet walked in and bowed.

"Spitloud," Said Dagur. "As chief enforcer of Berk I trust you with this secret." Spitloud walked over and knelt next to Antoine's chair. "Killers from Hollow Bastion have infiltrated the Thieves Forest and plan to murder my bride on our wedding night."

"My spies have heard no such rumor." Said Spitloud.

Iris walked in and the two stood up.

"Any word from Hiccup?" She asked.

"Too soon my angel." Dagur replied. "Have patience."

"He will come for me."

"Of course."

Iris gave Dagur a cold look and walked away.

Dagur sat down again and Spitloud knelt next to him. "She will not be murdered!" He said. "On the day of the wedding I want the Thieves Forrest emptied and every inhabitant arrested."

"Many will resist." Said Spitloud. "My men may not be enough."

"Form a brute squad then! I want the Thieves Forrest emptied before I wed!"

"It won't be easy my lord."

"Try ruling the world sometime."

_The day of the wedding arrived, and the brute squad had their hands full carrying out Dagur's orders._

Spitloud rode up in a cart and looked down at one of his men. "Is everyone out?" He asked.

"Almost." The man replied. "There's a spaniard giving us some trouble."

"Then you give _him _some trouble." The man nodded and Spitloud rode on.

Meanwhile, sitting in front of the hut he'd been living in all this time, was none other than Drew.

He sat with the Gem sword in one hand and a bottle in the other.

"I am waiting for you Mildew." He said, loudly and drunkenly. "You told me to go back to the beginning, so I have. This is where I am, and this is where I'll stay. I will not be moved!"

The man who had been talking to Spitloud walked up and shouted "Ho there!"

"I'm not budging. Keep your 'ho there.'" Drew replied, uninterested in whatever anyone had to say.

"But the prince gave orders."

Drew pointed his sword threateningly at the man. "So did Mildew. He said if a job went wrong we should go back to the beginning. This is where I got the job, so it's the beginning, and I'm staying!" The man called one of the brutes over. "I am waiting for… _Mildew_…"

Drew felt someone put somthing on his shoulder… a **big **hammer hand. "You sure are one drunk_man._" Rhymed a familiar voice.

Drew looked at the large hand, then smiled up at the large face it belonged to. "It's _you._" He said happily.

"_True_." Gobber replied. The man, after watching all this, got impatient and went to club Drew. But instead he received a hard uppercut to the jaw from Gobber. Gobber looked back down at Drew. "You don't look so good." Drew exhaled heavily, causing Gobber to cringe. "You don't smell so good either."

"Perhaps not." Drew slurred. "But, I feel fine."

Gobber smiled and patted Drew on the back, causing him to fall over.

A little later, Drew sat at a table while Drew fed him some stew as Fishlegs narrated. "Drew and Gobber were reunited, and as Gobber nursed his inebriated friend back to health, he told Dre about Mildew's death and the existence of Count Alvin, the six-fingered man. Considering his life-long search, Drew took the news surprisingly well."

After hearing about Count Alvin, Drew fainted and his face fell right into the bowl of stew.

"Gobber took great care in reviving Drew." Fishlegs narrated, as Big dunked Drew' head into a tub of cold water, then a tub of hot water, then cold, then hot, then cold, etc. Don't ask me why, I'm not sure.

"That's enough!" Drew shouted, pulling himself away from Gobber. "Now tell me where this Count Alvin is so I can kill him."

"He's in Berk Castle with the prince." Gobber replied. "But the castle is guarded by thirty men."

Drew kicked the tub of cold water in frustration, hurting his foot but not enough to interrupt his train of thought.

"How many could you handle?" He asked.

"I don't think more than ten."

Drew counted on his fingers for a moment. "That would leave twenty for me. At my best I could never face that many!" Drew sat down and rested his head in his hands. "I need Mildew to plan for me. I have no gift for strategy."

"But Mildew is dead."

Drew sighed, but sat up as an idea struck him. "No, not Mildew…" He said slowly. "We need the Man in Black!"

"Huh?" Gobber asked.

"Think of it! He bested me with the sword, he bested you with strength, and he must have out-thought Mildew! And anyone who can do that can plan my castle onslaught any day! Let's go!"

"Where?"

Drew ran to the door. "To find the Man in black, where else?"

"But we don't know where he is."

"Don't bother me with trifles Drew. After ten years my father's soul will be at peace. There will be **blood tonight!**"

* * *

Chaos dose not own The Princess Bride or HTTYD but she owns Iris, Hikari belongs to WingBladeWeaver1357, and Drew belongs to RedDiEnd.


	6. Ultimate Suffering

Chapter 6: Ultimate Suffering

Spitloud walked in to Dagur's quarters and knelt.

Dagur, sharpening a dagger, looked over at the large man.

"Rise and report." He said.

Spitloud stood back up and began his report. "The Thieves Forrest has been emptied as you requested Sire. The castle gate is guarded by thirty men."

"Double it. My princess must be safe."

"The gate has but one key," Said Spitloud, holding up a key attached to a chain around his neck. "And I carry that."

Iris walked in and Dagur quickly put his dagger down.

"Ah, Darling." He greeted happily, walking over to her. "Tonight we marry. Tomorrow every ship in my armada will escort us on our honeymoon."

"Every ship but your four fastest." Iris corrected. Dagur just gave her a blank, confused look. "Every ship but the four you sent?"

Suddenly it hit Dagur. "Oh, yes! Naturally not those four."

Sensing trouble coming, Spitloud bowed and left the room.

"You never sent the ships." Iris said, calmly but with obvious hatred in her voice. "It's doesn't matter. Hiccup will come for me anyway."

"You're a silly girl." Dagur replied sharply, walking back to his desk.

"Yes, I am a silly girl." Said Iris, following Dagur. "For not seeing sooner that you're nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear!"

Dagur turned to her and glared as he picked up his dagger and its sheath. "I-would-not-say-such-things-if-I-were-you." He said, slowly and distinctly.

"Why not?" Iris asked defiantly. "You can't hurt me. Hiccup and I are bound by the bonds of love. And you can't track that. Not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you can't break it. Not with a thousand swords. And when I call you a coward, it is only because you're the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth!"

Dagur, now seriously ticked, shoved the dagger into its sheath with as much force as if he were stabbing it into someone's heart. He slammed it down on the table, grabbed Iris by the arm and led her forcefully out of the room.

"**I would not say such things if I were you!" **He growled, throwing her into her room and locking the door.

A few minutes later, in the pit of despair, Alvin and Heather were surprised to see Dagur burst through the door and storm up to Hiccup who still lay hooked up to the machine.

"You truly loved each-other." He growled at the restrained man. "And so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say! So I think no man in a century will _suffer _as greatly as you…"

Dagur turned to the dial and angrily turned it all the way up!

"Not to fifty!" Alvin shouted.

But it was too late. The machine began to work and Hiccup screamed in pain.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

The terrible sound of Hiccup's scream carried out of the pit of despair, even past the grove of trees.

The scream was heard in by everyone in Berk, including Iris, whose heart sank at the sound though she didn't know why.

It could even be heard in the far reaches of Berk.

As Drew and Gobber walked through a crowd, they heard the ghastly sound as it made its way through the countryside.

"Gobber, wait!" Said Drew. "Do you hear that? That is the sound of ultimate suffering! My heart made that sound the day my father died. The Man in Black makes it now."

"The Man in Black?" Gobber asked. "How do you know?"

"His true love is marrying another tonight, who else has cause to suffer so?" Drew tried to get through the crowd and make his way towards the now fading sound, but found it difficult. "Gobber, a little help here?"

**"****HEY EVERYBODY, MOVE!" **Gobbershouted, causing the crowd to clear a path immediately.

"Thank you." Said Drew, as he ran to find the source of the scream.

Before it faded into silence, the echoes of Hiccup's screams lead Drew and Gobber to the grove of trees.

Heather soon came by pushing a wheelbarrow, only to find Drew' Gem sword at her throat.

"Where is the Man in black?" Drew asked. No reply. "You got that wheelbarrow from this grove, didn't you?" Still nothing. "Gobber, jog her memory."

From behind, Gobber hit Heather on the top of his head.

Heather stood silent for a moment, before falling over unconscious.

"Sorry Drew." Said Gobber. "I didn't mean to jog her so hard." Gobber noticed Drew walk away. "Drew?"

Drew got down on one knee, held his sword in front of his face, and closed his eyes.

"Father…" He whispered solemnly, kneeling under a heavenly light flowing down from a gap in the trees. "Father, I have failed you for ten years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere… somewhere nearby there is someone who can help us, but I can't find him alone. I need your help… I need you to guide my sword." Drew stood up, but his eyes remained closed. "…Guide my sword…"

Drew turned to what appeared to be a random direction and began walking, the Gem sword pointed forward.

Drew walked along, looking like the sword was pulling him. Until it hit a heavily knotted tree.

Drew looked and saw that he had been lead to a worthless tree and leaned against it in despair. But, by some inexplicable twist of fate, he happened to lean against the very knot which opened the secret door!

Drew noticed this and looked at Gobber, who looked just as amazed as he did.

Together they went down into the pit of despair, which was empty… or almost.

They found Hiccup lying on the table motionless.

Gobber put his ear to Hiccup's chest. He stood up and gave Drew a sad look. "…He's dead."

* * *

Chaos dose not own The Princess Bride or HTTYD but she owns Iris, Hikari belongs to WingBladeWeaver1357, and Drew belongs to RedDiEnd.


	7. Enough to buy a Miracle

Chapter 7: Enough to buy a Miracle

Well, here's the next chapter! Enjoy!

Cast now includes:

Tuffnut: Miracle Max

Ruffnut: Valerie(Miracle Max's wife(or in this case sister))

* * *

Gobber put his ear to Hiccup's chest. He stood up and gave Drew a sad look. "…He's dead."

"…It's just not fair…" Drew said, looking mournfully at Hiccup's lifeless body.

"Wait." Snotloud interrupted yet again.

Back with Sonic and the kids, Fishlegs put the book down and sighed. "What now Snotloud?"

"What did Gobber mean… 'dead?'" Snotloud asked.

"Not… _dead _dead, right Fishlegs?" Astrid asked worriedly.

"Shadow just can't be dead…" Said Hikari, close to tears. "He just can't be."

"Sorry guys," Said Fishlegs. "He is. Sad as it may be."

"Oh no!" Hikari sobbed.

"Who gets Dagur!" Charmy demanded.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Fishlegs asked.

"At the end. Who kills him at the end? Is it Drew, Gobber, who?"

"Nobody. Dagur lives."

"You mean he wins! Geez Legs! What did you read us this for?"

"You know, you kids have been pretty sick, and you're taking this awfully seriously, maybe we should just stop now." Fishlegs closed the book and stood up.

"No!" Hikari protested. "We'll be good."

"Yeah, no more interruptions." Said Astrid.

"We'll be quiet." Said Hikari, choking back tears. "Please continue?"

Fishlegs smiled at them and sat back down. Okay then, I'll continue." He opened the book and searched for his place. "Now where were we? Oh yeah. In the pit of despair…

Back in the story Drew had recovered from the shock and turned away to think.

"Well, we Spaniards have never accepted defeat easily." He walked towards the door. "Come on Gobber, bring the body."

"The body?" Gobber asked.

"Do you have any money?" Drew asked, ignoring Gobber's question.

"A little, why?"

"I just hope it's enough to buy a miracle, that's all."

Drew walked out, followed by Gobber, who carried Hiccup.

They soon came to a hut, and Drew knocked on the door.

A window in the door opened to reveal the face of a blond teenage boy in a viking helmet.

"What!" Tuffunt demanded.

"Are you Miracle Tuffnut who worked for the king all those years, as a child?" Drew asked.

"The king's stinking son fired me! And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful memory. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it! We're closed!" Tuffnuut shut the window but Drew just pounded on the door. Tuffnut opened the window again and glared at Drew. "Beat it, or I'll call the brute squad!"

"I'm on the brute squad." Said Gobber.

"You _are_ the brute squad!" Vector exclaimed, looking at Gobber.

"We need a miracle." Said Drew. "It's very important!"

"Look, I'm retired." Tuffnut replied. "And besides, why would you want someone the king's stinking son fired? I might _kill _whoever you want me to miracle!"

"He's already dead." Drew said, gesturing to the body Gobber carried.

"He is huh?" Said Tuffnut, sounding interested for the first time. "I'll take a look. Bring him in."

Tuffnut opened the door and Drew and Gobber walked in.

Gobber set Hiccup down on a table and Tuffnut looked him over.

He checked his pulse. None. Listened for a heartbeat. Silent. He picked Hiccup's arm up and let it go. It fell limply to the table with a thud.

"I've seen worse." He said with a nod.

Tuffnut continued examining the body.

"Sir?" Drew asked, but got no reply. "Sir?" This time Tuffnut looked up. "We're kinda in a hurry."

"Don't rush me sonny." Tuffnut replied. "You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. You got money?"

"Sixty-five."

"Sheesh! I've _never _worked for so little! Except once, and that was a very noble cause."

"This _is _noble Sir!" Drew proclaimed, then continued in a dramatic, mournful tone. "His wife is crippled… his children on the brink of starvation!"

Gobber, forgetting that Drew was lying started to cry but Tuffnut just looked at the two with a raised eyebrow. "Boy, are _you_ a rotten liar!" He said.

Drew dropped his phony air of mournfulness and gave Tuffnut a serious look. "I need him to help avenge my father, murdered these ten years." He said seriously.

"Your first story was better." Tuffnut replied and began looking around. "Now where is that bellows?" He soon found it and picked it up. "So, he probably owes ya money, huh? Well, I'll ask him."

"You can't ask him." Said Drew, puzzled by Tuffnut's attitude.

"Yeah, he's dead." Gobber added. "He can't talk."

"Oh, look who knows so much!" Tuffnut replied. "Well, it just so happens that your friend here is only _mostly _dead. There's a big difference between all dead and mostly dead. Open his mouth." Drew did as he was told and Tuffnut put the bellows in Hiccuo's mouth and started pumping. "Now, mostly dead… is slightly _alive._As for all dead… well, with all dead there's only one thing you can do."

"What's that?" Drew asked.

Tuffnut stopped pumping for a moment and smirked at Drew. "Ya go through his clothes and look for loose change!"

As soon as Tuffnut felt Hiccup was full enough of air, he put away the bellows and turned to the hedgehog. "Hello in there!" He shouted. "Hey, what's so important? What you got here worth living for?"

Tuffnut pushed down on Hiccup's chest, and as the air was pushed out, so were two words. "…Truuuue looooove…"

Tuffnut looked surprised, but Drew just smiled.

"True love!" He said triumphantly. "You heard him. You can't ask for a more noble cause than that!"

"Sonny," Tuffnut replied. "True love _is _the greatest thing in the world… except a good MLT, mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, when the mutton is nice and lean, and the tomato is ripe… Mmm, they're so perky. I love that! But that's not what your friend said. He clearly said, 'To blaaaave.' And as everyone knows, to blave means to bluff. So my guess is, you were playing cards, he cheated-"

Suddenly, a female bat ran in and shouted "Liar! Liaaaaar!"

"AAH! Get back witch!" Tuffnut shouted, as Ruffnut stormed up to him.

"I'm not a witch, I'm your sister!" Ruffnut shouted. "But after what you just said, I'm not sure I even want to be that anymore!"

"You never had it so good!"

Drew and Gobber traded confused looks as the couple continued their argument.

"True love!" Ruffnut continued. "He said true love Tuffnut!"

"Don't say another word Ruffnut!" Tuffnut shot back, walking away.

"He's afraid." Ruffnut said to Drew and Gobber. "Ever since Prince Dagur fired him his confidence is shattered."

"Why'd you say that name?" Tuffnut asked. "You promised you'd never say _that name_!"

"What? _Dagur_?"

"AARG!"

"Dagur! DAGUR, DAGUR DAGUR!"

Tuffnut covered his ears. "I'm not listening!"

Now Ruffnut was chasing Tuffnut around the room. "True love, life expiring, and you don't even have the decency to say _why_ you won't help!"

"Nobody's hearing anything!"

"DAGUR! DAGUR! DAGUR!"

Finally, Drew had had enough.

"Hey!" He shouted, getting their attention. "This is Princess Iris's true love. If you heal him he will stop Dagur's wedding."

"You mean," Said Tuffnut. "I cure him the prince will suffer?"

"Humiliations galore."

"HAHA!" Tuffnut shouted gleefully. "Now _that _is a worthy cause! Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job!"

Later, after a lot of work that would have bored most of you to hear about, Tuffnut was putting the final touches on a little pill.

He held the pill with a pair of tongs while Ruffnut coated it in what looked like… chocolate?

"That's a miracle pill?" Drew asked.

"Chocolate coating makes it go down easier." Ruffnut explained. "But, you have to wait fifteen minutes for full potency. And he shouldn't go swimming for, what?"

"An hour." Said Tuffnut, as he held the drying miracle pill up.

"Yeah, an hour."

Tuffnut gave Knuckles the pill. "Thank you for everything." He said, as he left the hut.

Gobber followed, carrying Hiccup, and Tuffnut and Ruffnut went to the doorway to see them off.

"Bye-bye boys!" Ruffnut called.

"Have fun storming the castle!" Said Tuffnut.

"_Ya think it'll work?" _Ruffnut whispered.

"_It'd take a miracle." _Tuffnut replied. "Buh-bye!"

After a little more walking, Gobber and Drew made their way to the top of the outer wall of the castle, as yet undetected.

"Hey," Said Gobber, putting Hiccup down and leaning him against the wall. "There's more than thirty men down there."

"What does it matter?" Drew asked, lifting Hiccup's head. "We have him!" He let go and the man's head slumped. "Help me, we'll have to force feed him."

"Has it been fifteen minutes?"

"We can't wait. The wedding is in half an hour."

Drew tilted Shadow's head back, opened his mouth, and put the pill down his throat.

"How long till the miracle works?" Gobber asked.

"You're guess is a good as mine." Drew replied.

Suddenly, Hiccup's eyes popped open. "I'll beat you both apart!" He shouted aggressively. "I'll take you both together!"

"Guess not long." Said Gobber.

Hiccup calmed down and found he couldn't move. "Why won't my arms move?" He asked.

"You've been mostly dead all day." Gobber replied.

"We had Miracle Tuffnut make a pill to bring you back." Drew explained.

"Who are you?" Hiccup asked. "Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's Iris?"

"Let me explain…" Drew decided against this. "No, that'd take too long. Let me sum it up. Iris is marrying Dagur in a little less than half an hour, so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, and make our escape. After I kill count Alvin, that is."

"That doesn't leave much time for dilly dallying." Hiccup's fingers twitched.

"You just wiggled your finger!" Gobber pointed out. "That's wonderful!"

"I've always been a fast healer." Hiccup replied. "What are our liabilities?"

"There's only one working castle gate." Drew replied. He and Gobber lifted Hiccup so he could see for himself. "And it's guarded by sixty men."

They sat back down again. "And what are our assets?" Hiccup asked.

"Your brains, Gobber's strength, and my steel." Drew replied.

"That's it? Impossible. If I had a month to plan, maybe. But this…" Hiccup shook his head.

"You just shook your head!" Gobber announced. "Doesn't that make you happy?"

Having used up most of his neck strength, Hiccup simply shifted his weight as much as he could, causing his head to limply shift towards Gobber. "My brains, your strength, and his steel against sixty men, and you think a little head jiggle is going to make me happy? Hmm?" Gobber just smiled stupidly. "(sigh) If only we had a wheelbarrow, _that _would be something!"

Drew pondered a moment. "Where did we put the wheelbarrow that young girl had?" He asked Gobber.

"Over the young girl." Gobber replied.

"Why didn't you list that with our assets in the first place?" Hiccup asked with gritted teeth. "What I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak."

"There we cannot help you." Said Drew.

Gobber pulled a large black cloak out of his pocket. "Will this do?" He asked.

"Where did you get that?" Drew asked, quite surprised.

"From Miracle Tuffnut's. It fit so nice he said I could keep it."

"Alright, alright," Said Hiccup. "Help me up." Drew and Gobber did as Hiccup asked and lifted him up onto Drew' back. "Now, I'll need a sword eventually."

"Why?" Drew asked. "You can't even lift one."

"True, but that's hardly common knowledge, is it?" Hiccup's head fell back and Gobber set it right again. "Thank you. Now, there may be problems once I'm inside."

"I'll say." Said Drew. "How do I find the count? Once I do, how do I find you again? Once I find you again, how do we escape?"

"Don't pester him." Said Gobber. "He's had a hard day."

"Right." Drew replied. "Sorry." Gobber helped Hiccup nod his head in understanding.

Big and Drew, carrying Hiccup, made their way off the wall.

"Hey Drew," Said Gobber. "I hope we win."

* * *

Chaos dose not own The Princess Bride or HTTYD but she owns Iris, Hikari belongs to WingBladeWeaver1357, and Drew belongs to RedDiEnd.


	8. To the Pain, or, Happy Ending

Chapter 8: To the Pain, or, Happy Ending

Well, here's the last chapter. Thanks for reading this fanfic, I really appreciate it!

Cast:

King and Queen: King Stoick and Queen Valka (Don't blame me I was running out of ideas)

The Impressive Clergyman: Bucket

* * *

Iris had just put on her bridal gown.

She looked beautiful, but she didn't care. She wouldn't be married in this gown anyway.

Dagur walked up from behind and placed a pearl necklace on her neck.

"You don't seem excited Mon Cheri." He said.

"Should I be?" She asked.

"Brides often are, I'm told."

"I do not marry tonight." She replied, calmly and confidently. "My Hiccup will save me."

Meanwhile, her Hiccup was hidden near the gate with Drew and Goober.

The time to start Hiccup's plan had come.

Drew put out his hand.

Gobber placed his hand on Drew'.

Hiccup, after rocking back and forth for a moment, throws his limp arm up and his hand lands on top of Gobber's.

In the chapel where the wedding was to take place, Iris and Dagur walk down the aisle up to a Clergyman… who happens to be a man with a bucket on his head.

Alvin stood in the back, watching for any trouble. He didn't know why, but he got the feeling something would happen.

Bucket the Clergyman cleared his throat and began. "Mawige…" He said, with an impediment that would stop a clock. "Mawige is what bwings us togewer today. Mawige, that bwessed awangement. That dweam wiffin a dweam…"

Suddenly, they heard a commotion outside.

Spitloud could be heard shouting "Stand you ground men! Stand your ground!"

Outside, Spitloud and his men at the gate are huddled together, terrified by what they see before them.

A large figure in a holocaust cloak, seemingly floating towards them slowly.

**_"I am the Dread Pirate Drago." _**Gobber said, in a booming, creepy voice. **_"There will be no survivors!"_**

Meanwhile, Drew was behind him, pushing the wheelbarrow Gobber was standing in _and_ carrying Hiccup on his back.

"Now?" He said, with a strained voice.

"Not yet." Hiccup replied.

"**_My men are here," _**Gobber continued. **_"And I am here. But soon… _you_ will not be here!"_**

"_Now!" _Drew almost pleaded.

"Light him." Hiccup answered.

Drew stopped the wheelbarrow and lit the cloak on fire with a lantern.

Spitloud and his men were horrified to see the figure burst into flames.

"_**The Dread Pirate Drago takes no survivors…"**_

Back in the chapel, Bucket continued the ceremony. "Ven Wuv, twoo wuv, wiw fowwow you… foweva…"

Back outside, Gobber's cloak is still burning, somehow not hurting him, and he is still scaring the men half to death.**_ "The Dread Pirate Drago is here for your sooooouuuuls!"_**

"Stay where you are!" Spitloud ordered frantically, as his men began running for dear life. "I said stay where you are!"

In the chapel…

"So tweasu youw wuv…"

"Skip to the end!" Dagur ordered, more than a little worried.

"Have you the wing?"

Dagur put the ring on Iris's finger but stopped when he heard the men scream.

"Here comes my Hiccup now!" Iris said triumphantly.

Back outside, Gobber finally had enough of the flaming cloak and pulled it off, stomping out the fire.

"Gobber, the portcullis!" Hiccup exclaimed, as Spitloud was closing the aforementioned castle guarding apparatus.

Gobber ran over and grabbed the portcullis before it could close and shoved it back up, much to Spitloud's surprise.

Back in the chapel, _again…_

"Your Hiccup is dead." Dagur said in a cocky manner. "I killed him myself."

"Then why is there fear behind your eyes?" Iris asked defiantly.

And she was right. It was there.

At the gate, Hiccup and his friends surrounded Spitloud.

"Give us the gate key." Said Drew.

"G-gate key? I have no gate key." Spitloud replied.

"Gobber, tear his arms off."

Suddenly, Spitloud's attitude changed. "Oh, you mean _this _gate key!" He handed the key to Drew.

In the chapel… (I really need to stop doing that…)

"And do you, Pwincess Iris…" Bucket continued.

"Man and wife!" Dagur shouted. "Say 'man and wife'!"

"… man and wife."

"There." Said Dagur, as though all his troubles were over. "Escort my bride to the honeymoon suite." He handed Iris to the King and turned to Count Alvin.

As for Iris, she just looked shocked as she was lead away.

"He didn't come…"

Dagur ordered Alvin to find the source of the commotion and then stormed off.

Alvin took four men with him and made his way through the castle only to meet up with – you guessed it – Hiccup, Drew, and Gobber. Drew in front, Big in back, carrying Shadow who is dragging a sword he… uh… borrowed from Spitloud, though he couldn't even lift it.

Alvin and his men drew their swords, and Drew did the same.

"Kill the dark one and the giant…" Said Alvin, almost recognizing Drew. "…But leave the third for questioning."

The four men rushed for Drew and company, but before the first one could even hit the ground Drew was done taking out the forth.

As soon as he was done with them (which wasn't a long wait) Drew turned to Count Alvin and raised his sword and said…

"Hello… my name is Drew Knight… you killed my father… prepare to die."

Alvin stared back at Drew. He readied his sword, got into a fighting position and…

Ran away.

After taking a moment to be shocked and confused, Drew ran after him.

Alvin ran down the hall and into another room, closing the heavy door behind him.

Drew came to the door and found it locked tight. He tried forcing it open… but was not quite successful.

"Gobber!" He shouted, as he threw himself at the door. "I need you!"

I can't leave him alone." Gobber called back, still holding Hiccup up.

"He's getting away Gobber, please!"

Gobber finally gave in and leaned Hicuup against a suit of armor. He walked down the hall to where Drew stood and with one move knocked the door down.

Drew thanked Gobber and ran after Alvin.

In another part of the castle, Iris walked down the hall with the king and queen.

"That was a strange wedding." Said the old king.

"Yes…" The queen agreed. "A very strange wedding."

The queen walked on ahead but Amy stopped and looked at the king. She gave him a quick but affectionate kiss on the cheek.

"What was that for?" The King asked, though he certainly didn't mind.

"Because you've been so kind to me." Iris replied. "And I'll never see you again… because I'm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite."

The king smiled and patted her hand. His hearing wasn't as good as it used to be. "Won't that be nice." The two continued walking and he chuckled proudly, "She kissed me!"

Meanwhile, Count Alvin was still running, and Drew was still right behind him.

As for Gobber, when he returned to the suit of Armor where he left Hiccup he found that the man in black was nowhere in sight.

Alvin ran into a dining room and pulled a dagger out of a sheath on his leg.

Drew ran in, sword still drawn and ready for action, only to have the dagger thrown right into his stomach. Drew, in shock and in pain, grasped the dagger sticking out of him and slid down to the floor.

He looks down at the wound and sees the blood pouring out of him.

"I'm sorry Father…" He whispered, trying to keep himself from blacking out. "…I tried…" Tears roll down his face. "…I tried…"

Alvin looked down at Drew, amused at the pain the Spaniard must be going through.

"I remember you now." He said, coldly. "You must be that Spaniard brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. Have you been chasing me your whole life, only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard… how marvelous."

At that very moment, Amy said goodnight – and goodbye – to the king and queen and shut herself in the honeymoon suite.

She walked over to a table and opened a small box, revealing a razor sharp dagger. Tears formed in her eyes as she pointed the dagger at her chest. She was about to pierce her own heart when she heard a familiar voice.

"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world." Iris whirled around to see Hiccup lying on the bed. "It would be a pity to damage yours."

With a smile Iris ran to Hiccup and smothered him in kisses. "Oh Hiccup!" She cried happily. She kissed him more, but Hiccup never moved. "Hiccup, why won't you hold me?"

"Gently." Said Hiccup, still being smothered in kisses.

"At a time like this that's all you can say? 'Gently?'"

She pulled his face closer to hers and kissed him on the lips, but he obviously didn't enjoy it. _"Gently!" _Iris let his head go and it fell back and hit the wall. "Ow."

Back with Drew, the brave Spaniard was trying to stand up again.

"Good heavens." Said Alvin, in a sarcastic tone. "Are you still trying to win?"

Drew pulled the dagger out of his stomach, though not without some difficulty, and covered the wound with his left hand. He finally managed to stand, but had to lean against the wall behind him.

"You've got an over developed sense of vengeance." Said Alvin. "It's going to get you in trouble some day."

Alvin took out his sword and plunged it towards Drew' heart, but Drew pushes it to the left with the Gem sword, so that it pierced his left shoulder instead.

Drew didn't seem to feel it. He just stood looking at Alvin.

Alvin pulled his sword back and tried again, but this time got Drew' right shoulder.

Drew finally found the strength to stand on his own. Though he was injured, weak, covered in blood, Drew still advanced toward Alvin.

Much to the Count's surprise.

Alvin tried to attack again, but Drew was able to block. "Hello…" He said, almost too softly to hear. "My name is Drew Knight… you killed my father… prepared to die…" He lost his balance for a moment, but was able to grab the table and right himself again. Alvin attacked once more, but this time Knuckles parried with renewed strength. He began again, this time a little louder. "Hello… My name is Drew Knight You killed my father… prepare to die."

Alvin continued attacking, but Drew fought back, somehow no longer hindered by his injuries.

Now he spoke clearly. "Hello. My name is Drew Knight. You killed my father, prepare to die!"

"Stop saying that!" Alvin shouted, now on the defensive.

Drew forced Alvin back, fighting with more skill than ever before. He pierced Alvin's left shoulder, then his right.

**"Hello! My name is Drew Knight! You killed my father, prepare to die!" **Alvin had been backed against a table and Knuckles slashed his face, just as Alvin had done to him all those years ago. "Offer me money." Drew demanded.

"Yes." Alvin replied, afraid for his life as oil ran down his face from his wound.

"Power too, promise me that." Drew slashed the other side of Alvin's face.

"All that I have and more. Please…"

"Offer me everything I ask for…" Drew backed off a little.

"Anything you want." Alvin growled, but when he saw Drew back off he attacked again.

Drew grabbed Alvin's sword-arm and ran him through. "…I want my father back you son of a bitch."

Alvin twitched a second, but finally fell down dead.

Drew looked down at Count Alvin's dead body and sighed. It was over.

"For you Father…" He whispered, before leaving to find the others.

Speaking of the others, Iris and Hiccup were still lying on the bed in the honeymoon suite.

"Oh Hiccup." Said Iris. "Will you ever forgive me?"

"What horrible sins have you committed lately?" Hiccup asked with a smile.

"I got married. I didn't want to, it just all happened so fast."

Hiccup shook his head. Or as much as he could anyway. "It never happened."

"What?"

"It never happened."

"Yes it did Hiccup, I was there. This chicken guy who talked funny said 'man and wife.'"

"Did you say 'I do.'?"

"Oh… um, no. We sort of skipped that part."

"Then you're not married. If you didn't say it you didn't do it." Iris smiled, relieved to hear such good news. Hiccup though, frowned and turned to the door. "Wouldn't you agree you Highness?"

Iris turned to see Dagur standing in the doorway.

"A technicality I will soon remedy." Dagur replied, drawing his sword. "But first: to the death!"

"No!" HIccup replied. "To the _pain_."

Dagur blinked confusedly for a moment. "I'm not familiar with that term."

"I'll explain it. And I'll be sure to use small words so you can understand you warthog faced buffoon."

Dagur was genuinely shocked. "That may be the first time anyone has _dared _insult me."

"And it won't be the last." Hiccup sneered. "To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists, then your nose…"

"And my tongue I suppose." Dagur interrupted. "I killed you too quickly last time, a mistake I won't duplicate tonight."

"I wasn't finished! The next thing you'll lose will be your left eye, followed by your right."

"And then my ears, I understand, let's get on with this!"

"Wrong! Your ears you'll keep and I'll tell you why…"

"So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish… Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out 'Dear God, what is that _thing_?' will echo in your perfect ears. _That_ is what 'to the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery. Forever."

Dagur's eye twitched in fear of Hiccup, but he still tried to look superior. "I think you're bluffing." He said boldly.

"It's possible Pig, or whatever the heck you are. It's conceivable, you vomitous mass, I may be lying here just because I lack the strength to stand. Then again… perhaps I do have the strength after all." Dagur, gently moving Iris aside, slowly sat up. He placed his feet on the floor and stood to his full height, pointing his sword straight at Dagur's heart. "Drop… your… sword." Dagur, more out of fear than obedience, threw his sword to the ground. "Have a seat." Dagur sat down in a nearby chair. Hiccup turned to Iris, but kept his sword pointed at Dagur. "Tie him up." Iris was only too happy to do just that. She got up, grabbed a rope, and began tying it around Dagur, securing him to the chair. "Make it as tight as you like." Said Hiccup.

"OOOPH!" She tied it tight alright, and the noise Dagur made lead Drew right to the honeymoon suite.

"Where's Gobber?" Drew asked, not seeing the large man anywhere.

"He's not with you?" Hiccup asked. Drew shook his head. "Well, in that case- whoops!" Hiccup's strength gave out and he fell to the floor. Iris ran to him.

"Help him up." Said Drew, as he finished tying Dagur up.

"Why does he need helping?" Iris asked worriedly.

"Because he can't stand on his own."

"I knew he was bluffing!" Said Dagur. "I knew he was…" Drew pointed his sword at Dagur's throat. "…bluffing…"

"Shall I dispatch him for you?" Drew asked.

"Thank you, but no." Hiccup replied, as Iris helped him up. "Whatever happens to us, I want him to live a long life alone with his cowardice."

"Hey Drew!" A voice called from outside.

Drew went to the window and looked out, followed by Iris and Hiccup.

Down below was Gobber, holding four horses by their reins. "Oh, there you are." He said cheerfully. "Drew, look what I found in the prince's stables: three white horses and one black horse! And I thought, 'there are four of us!' If we ever find the lass. Hello Lass!" Gobber waved and Iris waved back with a smile. "So I took them with me, in case we ever bumped into each-other. I guess we just did."

"Gobber…" Said Drew, impressed. "You did something right."

"Don't worry. I won't let it go to my head."

It wasn't very far to the ground, so Gobber held out his arms and Iris jumped down, landing safely in the giant man's arms.

"You know," Said Drew, as he helped Hiccup get ready to jump next. "It's very strange. I've been in the revenge business so long… now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."

"Have you ever considered piracy?" Hiccup asked. "You'd make a great Dread Pirate Drago."

Drew pondered this for a second, then smiled and nodded.

As soon as they were all safe on the ground, our heroes got onto their horses and rode away from Berk.

"They rode to freedom," Fishlegs narrated. "And as dawn arose, Iris and Hiccup knew they were safe."

They rode a long distance, coming to a beautiful hill just as the sun was rising.

Iris and Hiccup rode alone to the top of the hill and gazed into each-other's eyes."

"A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for each-other…"

Back with Fishlegs and the other teens, Fishlegs closed the book.

"What?" Astrid asked.

"Yeah, why'd you stop?" Said Hikari.

"It's kissing again." Fishlegs replied. "Snotloud doesn't want to hear that."

"**Aww…**" Astrid and Hikari whined.

"Um… I don't really mind so much anymore…" Snotloud admitted timidly. "So, go ahead and finish… please?"

"Are you sure?" Fishlegs asked with a smile. Snotloud nodded. "Okay then." He opened the book again and read.

_Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure…_

Iris and Hiccup reached for each other and kissed each other passionately.

…_This kiss left them all behind._

"The end." Fishlegs finished and closed the book. "Okay guys, time to get some rest."

"Okay Fishlegs." Astrid replied.

"Good night Legs," Said Hikari. "Thank you for the story!"

"You're welcome Kari. Night guys!" Fishlegs turned to leave.

"…Hey Fishlegs?" Snotloud called, causing Fishlegs to turn his head towards the teen Viking."Do you think… you could come back and read the story to us again?"

"Yeah, that'd be great!" Astrid agreed.

"Oh yes, can you please Fishlegs?" Hikari asked excitedly.

Fishlegs looked at their smiling faces and couldn't help but smile as well. "…As you wish."

Fishlegs turned out the light and left the three teens to sleep and dream… perhaps they would dream about fighting and monsters, about pirates and revenge, about miracles… and about true love.

The End.

* * *

Cast of characters:

Westley: Hiccup H.

Inigo Montoya: Drew K.

Prince Humperdink: Dagur

Count Rugen: Alvin

Miracle Max: Tuffnut

Valerie: Ruffnut

Vizzini: Mildew

Yellin: Spitloud

The impressive clergyman: Bucket

The albino: Heather

The king: Stoick

The queen: Valka

The ancient booer: Gothi

The Storyteller: Fishlegs

The sick kids: Astrid, Snotloud, and Hikari

And Amy Rose Hedgehog as the Princess Bride!

* * *

Chaos dose not own The Princess Bride or HTTYD but she owns Iris, Hikari belongs to WingBladeWeaver1357, and Drew belongs to RedDiEnd.


End file.
